Although I own dozens of beautiful bookmarks, most of them have gone largely unused. By all means, continue to gift them to me because I love a good bookmark. Or at least, the idea of it.
This blog post will probably tell you more about me than the About Me page of this website. Welcome to my blog. Welcome to my chaos.
Bookmarks are never handy. When I’m starting a new book, it’s not even in the lowest depths of my subconscious to grab a bookmark. The dopamine hit of jumping into a new fictional world completely blocks any proactive thoughts.
It’s like hopping into the shower without locking in a towel first. Or to be more crass, like doing your business on the toilet, only to realize there’s no toilet paper. You scramble. Do you yell across the house for assistance or grab the nearest simulacrum (i.e. hand towel, tissue…fate decides which item matches which scenario here)?
It’s not ideal, but in the moment, you get a little desperate and grab whatever is conveniently located within reach.
Even on the rare occasions my brain has had enough forethought to grab a bookmark, it’s usually not until I’m a ways into the book. And then I nearly always immediately (forgive all the adverbs, but they’re all necessary and accurate here) misplace it. It’s like socks in the dryer: I’m convinced my bed and armchair eat bookmarks occasionally. Not often enough for hard evidence that would stand in a court of law, but often enough to warrant a good side-eye.
I never resort to dog earring a book though. I’m not completely depraved. Dog ears are for catalogs and canines. I have some scrap of sense left between my ears. Instead, when I have to pause my reading, I just grab something close at hand, prop it between the pages, and hope for the best.
This meme chart sums it up.
According to this highly scientific chart, I’m chaotic neutral/good, depending on the moment. Sounds about right.
Without further ado, here is my non-exhaustive list of objects I’ve used instead of proper bookmarks.
Receipt
I mean, who hasn’t? This one isn’t even original. Most often for me, these are receipts from the bookstore where the book was purchased or public library hold/checkout receipts. Bonus: If my furniture eats the receipt, I won’t even notice. In fact, I might thank that item of furniture for clearing some of the paper clutter in my house.
Straw wrapper
Listen, I know drinking out of straws is the literal worst from a sustainability standpoint and a wrinkles-around-your-mouth standpoint. I really try to avoid using disposable straws at all anymore, but I will confess on this quiet page of my yet-unpublished blog: I have used disposable straws in the past and subsequently used their wrappers as bookmarks. You can cancel me now if you need to. I’ll understand.
Plastic cutlery
Am I single-handedly destroying the planet? I promise I’m not trying to? Help? Anywho, I try to avoid plastic cutlery too (reduce! reuse! recycle!), but again, I have in the past and I have also used (relatively clean) plastic cutlery—usually spoons because hello, fro yo—to mark my place in books.
Gum wrapper
I guess I just use various forms of trash as bookmarks. That is this blog post in summary. The gum goes straight into the trash post-chew though. I’m not foolish enough to stick a gum wrapper with gum in it inside books. So that’s something.
Tea bag tag
There are few simple joys in life that I love more than sipping tea from a favorite mug while losing myself in a good book. I often end up fidgeting with the little tag at the end of the tea bag to the point that it detaches from the string. It’s teeny-tiny and can get lost between the pages easily, but I can confirm that it works in a pinch.
Tissue (unused)
The bonus with this one is that if my favorite character is killed off and I start sobbing, well, wasn’t that clever of me.
Couch arm
It’s convenient. This option doesn’t work as well for me anymore now that I have a toddler running loose in the house and now that I know how bad that is for book spines. If this is my only option, I will actually get up to go find a bookmark (or another item on this list).
Pen (or other writing utensil)
I always have a pen handy. This is an especially practical bookmark when the book in question demands annotations. In high school and college, this would have been textbooks and novels for English class. Now, it’s professional development and parenting books for the most part. I don’t tend to write in novels, but if that’s your jam, I support you.
Another book
I’ve become more of a mood reader with age, so I consistently have 3-5 books going at any moment. Usually, 1-2 are nonfiction and the others have to be different genres so I don’t get too confused. Plus, I’m a librarian and a lifelong reader with too many (and simultaneously, never enough) books, so there are always books handy to sandwich into whatever book I’m reading. But then, if I want to read the book that’s being used to hold my place in the other book…we have a conundrum.
Cell phone
You know a great way to help you read more? Keep your cell phone in another room, far out of reach. You know how you can make sure you always have a bookmark within reach? Ignore my previous advice.
Glasses
Pregnancy changed my eyes and they never changed back, so as a result, I’ve been wearing glasses full-time for only about 2-3 years. I’m mildly nearsighted (confession: I had to pause to Google that to make sure I didn’t mix it up again) and the eye doc suggested taking the glasses off for reading. I use my glasses to mark my place and then use the fact that I left my glasses in my book to excuse myself to go get them and read some more. (Shhh, don’t tell my husband.) (JK, he fully knows and enables me.)
Jewelry
Necklaces in particular work well as temporary bookmarks, but I’ve also been known to use bracelets and even my wedding ring. I haven’t stooped to earrings yet, but it’s just a matter of time honestly.
In Conclusion
1. Bookmarks aren’t for quitters. Bookmarks are for superhumans.
2. Either I need to start using bookmarks or we need to form a super PAC to force legislation that requires all books to include an attached ribbon bookmark. The latter seems more likely at this juncture.
Now You
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve used as a bookmark?
paige in the library 